The Ties That Bind
by Bellatrix wannabe 89
Summary: Olivia is raped by a fellow police officer. Will anybody believe her when she says he attacked her or will she be thought of as nothing more than a liar and cheat? Whatever happens, two things are for certain; One is David isn't abandoning her no matter what the verdict, and two, this 'hero' cop isn't going to stop until he makes her pay for revealing the truth... Livid
1. Chapter 1

I own no one but my own people

**A/N What's up SVU Fandom!? I know I've been a lil lax on my updating BUT I only have a few more months left in Afghanistan (VERY strong rumors that it' only about 3 months left. Praying and hoping its' true every day every day) so I figured I'd lead y'all back in slowly with a brand new story. My first non partnered Livid story (Speaking of Livid, check out 'Taken' by me and Messy Little Raindrop. It's an AMAZING full length Livid story) and my first with the season 13 cast. I'm a little nervous but hopefully you'll enjoy. And review. But mostly enjoy. **

Olivia and David stumbled into her apartment laughing loudly with a small fumble in each of their steps. David wrapped her arms tight around her waist as he buried his lips in the crook of her neck.

"We need to find someplace for you to put your plaque," David muttered against her skin as he attacked her flesh with his kisses.

"We can do that later," Olivia said with a slight slur in her words as he slipped off her long white coat revealing a form fitting black dress underneath.

Olivia turned in his arms and meshed her lips with his as she haphazardly threw the award she had gotten from the city onto her couch.

"You sure you don't wanna do it now Ms. Detective of the Year?' he asked using the title that had been bestowed on her tonight by the Mayor himself.

"Yes," she moaned as she pressed against his well built body, already feeling the effects she and the wine they consumed had on him. Her hand stroked down his chest and grazed the bulge through his dress pants. David growled softly as he scooped her in his arms and began to make his way towards the bedroom.

"Please don't drop me," Olivia pleaded with a soft laugh as she draped her arms around his neck.

"Never," he assured her as he laid her gently down on the soft bed. David laid down on top of her and continued to kiss her softly as they got his coat off. Olivia untucked the pressed white shirt from him trousers and she began to undo the multiple buttons on it but he grabbed her hands and held them away.

"Tonight's your night, Liv," he told her as he stroked a piece of hair from her face. "Just relax and let me take care of you okay?"

Olivia smiled at him as she nodded. "Okay." God she loved this man…

With a flash of her favorite crooked smile, his fingers nimbly worked to get it unbuttoned and thrown to the ground alongside the coat.

Olivia ran her hands along his well defined muscles as David reached behind her and slowly pulled down the zipper, gently trailing his hand up her nude back before he slipped under the two thin straps and lowered the dress off her He made quick work of the red lace bra and began a trail of hot wet kisses down her body, raising goose bumps wherever he touched.

Olivia' breath hastened as David slipped his fingers inside the waistband of her matching panties and dragged them down her long lean legs. He nestled inbetween her legs as he kissed her inner thigh and moved downward towards his intended goal.

"I love you," he muttered against her skin before his tongue darted out and he gently lapped at her slick folds, knowing exactly where to touch and what to do to her to bring her the pleasure she deserved…

XxXxX

Olivia groaned loudly as a loud ringing interrupted her blissful sleep. Instead of answering she wrapped her arms tighter around David, whose chest she was using for a pillow, and snuggled in closer towards him, a slight pounding in her head but nothing that couldn't be cured with some Advil.

"I thought Cragen gave you the next few days off," David muttered as he tightened his arms around her.

"He did," Olivia mumbled sleepily, her eyes still firmly shut. "That's why I'm not picking up."

David chuckled lightly as he kissed the top of her head and reached out to grab the phone. He held it out to her and she sighed heavily as she reached blindly for the phone and answered the call with a sluggish, "somebody better be dead." The reply was a teary eye sobbing, "Detective Benson? It- it's Kristen! Please I need your help!"

Olivia's eyes flew open as she sat up in bed. "Kristen? Kristen what's wrong?" she asked, much more wide awake now then she had been moments ago.

David, who was now also fully awake sat up as well. "What' going on?"

Olivia waved him off as she now heard the unmistakable sounds of someone in the background pounding on a door and screaming obscenities at the caller.

Kristen, a victim who had grown especially close to over the course of the investigation where her husband had raped and abused her for hours on end one night, let out a choked sob."He- he's here! He's drunk! Please I- I don'know what to do!"

Olivia threw the blankets off her as she hurried over to her dresser."Where are you now? she asked as she pulled on a pair of panties and a bra.

"I- in te bathroom. I got the door locked."

Good. Don't unlock the door until I get there, understand? He isn't going to hurt you again. I'll be there soon, Kristen, I promise."

With that reassuring word Olivia hung up the door and quickly dialed her precinct as David hurried out of bed and went up to her. "Liv, what' wrong? he asked with a sense of urgently. "Is everything okay?"

Olivia shook her head as she put the phone to her ear and grabbed a pair of jeans. "One of my victims attacker is at her house," she explained hastily before her Captain picked up.

"Cragen it's Benson," she told him as she grabbed a shirt and threw it on before she hurried over to the closet. "I need a unit to 459 758th St, Apartment 12B now. Kristen Brockway's husband is there." There was a long pause as she pulled on a pair of socks and sneakers. "Well obviously the restraining order didn't do its job. Please just get a unit over there. I'm on my way now."

Without another word Olivia hung up the phone and turned around to find David with her gun belt ready to go.

"David, I'm so-."

"Don't you even think about apologizing for this," he told her as he gave a chaste kiss on the lips and handed her her coat. "Don't come back until you get the bad guy," he told her with an understanding smile. Olivia gave him a brief smile before she grabbed the coat from him and rushed out of the apartment with David staring after her.

XxXxX

Olivia pressed the gas down to the floor as hard as she could. Not even bothering with the time it would have taken to drive out of her way to grab the Sedan, she instead took her own car and quickly drove through the streets of Manhattan.

Olivia was still at least fifteen blocks from her victims apartment when all of a sudden she heard the sirens and saw the bright flashing lights of what she assumed was her uni. She narrowed her eyes in confusion as the cop car stayed behind her however. She knew a cop car could easily out pass an average civilian car which is what she was driving so why didn't they speed up and pass her?

After another moment she heard a loud crackled "NYPD! Pull over now!" that came from the cop cars speakers.

Olivia bit her lip as she contemplated what to do for a moment. She was still a fair amount away from her victim's house, enough time so that if she didn't stop, he could call for backup and she'd be in even bigger trouble.

Or she could pull over, waste a minute or two explaining, and they'd both be on their way towards the crime scene. With a heavy groan Olivia put on her blinkers and pulled over to the side of the road. She waited impatiently for him to run the plates to make sure the car wasn't stolen or involved in a crime.

After a painstakingly long two minutes she finally saw the cop get out of his car and head towards her. Olivia pulled out her license, registration and badge so she had it readily available for the officer  
to look at.

She rolled down the window before she shut off the car and tapped her fingers anxiously against the steering wheel. Finally he came up to her window and kneeled down beside it. He was an exceptionally good looking man in his late thirties with a strong angled jaw and piercing dark blue eyes."License and registration," he barked.

"Officer, I know you're just doing your job, but I'm a Detective, Special victims Unit and I'm on my way to a victims home and I REALLY need to get going," she explained calmly as she handed him her badge and the other two documents he had asked for. "She could be in a lot of trouble and you're more than welcome to ride along with me. The cop said nothing as he examined the documents before he showed her the badge.

"Ma'am, are you trying to bribe an officer of the law?"

"That's my Badge. I told you, I'm a Detective, and one of my victims is hurt."

"All this tells me is that you're trying to use your badge to get out of a ticket."

Olivia struggled to hold her temper against the cop. She had gotten pulled over for minor traffic offenses and when she was an officer she had pulled over several other cops. Unless they were undeniably drunk or under the influence, one hint of gold or silver was all it took for them to pretend it never happened.

Olivia cleared her throat as she looked up at him."Sir, that's not what's happening here, I assure you. I need to get to one of my victims. She lives at 459 758thStreet, Apartment 12B; you probably heard it over your scanner."

"I heard no such call over my radio, Ma'am."

"I put in the call personally," she told him, a slight amount of her anger getting the better of her. Kristen could be dead or dying right now because this idiot was holding her up. "If you wanna give me a ticket, fine, just do it quick so I can get out of here."

The cop crossed his arms in front of his well built chest."Are you calling me a liar, Ma'am?"

Olivia shook her head in disbelief."This is insane," she muttered angrily as she reached in her purse to pull out her cell phone to call Cragen. He'd be able to get this idiot off her back.

"Ma'am, get your hands on the steering wheel now!" he shouted at her making her flinch.

"I'm reaching in my purse to grab my phone to call my Captain, she snapped.

"Get out of the car, Ma'am."

"I need to get to my victim!"

"Ma'am, get out of the car now!"

Olivia and the cop glared at one another for several moments before she threw her hands up in disgust. "Fine! she barked as she swung open the door making the cop take several steps backwards to avoid getting hit. "You realize you're gonna be getting a reprimand in your jacket for this right?

The cop said nothing as Olivia stepped out of the car and crossed her arms in front of her  
chest. He was at least a foot taller than her and his uniform showed off just how fit he was. He was a big man, but she could tell that it was all muscle instead of fat. The name on his uniform top read 'McNulty.'

He leaned in and sniffed lightly before he leaned back with an arrogant smirk on his face. "Ma'am, have  
you been drinking tonight?"

"I'm not drunk," she snapped.

"Really because it smells like you took a bath in a tub of wine."

"I had a few drinks at the celebration that the mayor and Police Commissioner Volt threw me for getting the honor 'Detective of the Year.' That was hours ago and I'm sober as a judge now."

McNulty shook his head as he got out of handcuffs."The way you were driving, I very highly doubt that. "

"Then do a damn breathalyzer on me! Give me one right now so I can get to my victim and you can continue your power trip.

He glared at her as he grabbed her by the arm and twisted her around tightly before he slammed her up against her car.

"You're under arrest," he said as he jerked her hands behind her back.

"For what?" Olivia demanded as she struggled against his iron clad hold.

"DWI, verbally harassing an officer and resisting arrest, he spat as he grabbed his cuffs and closed them tight around her wrists.

"I didn't do anything!" shouted Olivia as he patted her down, taking her pistol, hand cuff keys, and pocket knife.

"You have the right to remain silent, he told her as he grabbed her by the back of her shirt and hoisted her back to her feet. "Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. You have the right-."

"I know my rights!"

Both McNulty and Olivia remained silent as he walked her to the car and all but threw her in the backseat. He slammed the door closed and Olivia groaned loudly as she slammed her head against the leather seat. Her single hope being that Kristen was okay.

McNulty got in the front seat and with a slam of the door the two were off. Olivia remained silent for a long while as she looked out the window. She wasn't sure what unit he fell under but what she did know that it was taking far too long to get to a station, knowing there was one every few blocks

Olivia swallowed hard as she began to see more and more rougher looking buildings. He didn't seem to answer any calls that came in over the radio even the ones that mentioned his car by specific name.

Finally the silence was too great for her and she spoke. "What precinct are you out of?"

"Shut up," he told her with an undeniably smug undertone.

Olivia swallowed hard as he turned not down another street but a large abandoned ally that was littered with beer bottles and garbage.

Her heart began pounding hard against her ribs as he turned off the radio and got out of the car, slamming the door shut behind him. A million thoughts raced through her mind as he opened the back door. Olivia moved back against the opposite door as he climbed in the back seat with her.

"Get away from me," she ordered, trying her best to keep her voice from shaking.

McNulty chuckled cruelly as he grabbed a hold of her ankle and pulled her towards him before he climbed on top of her.

"Get off me!" she screamed as she struggled beneath him, her eyes going wide with fear.

"Shut up," he said with a cold laugh as he reached in his holster and pulled out a gun and held it to her head.

Olivia drew in her bottom lip as he pushed her legs apart and got in between them. "Please don't," she pleaded, barely able to get her voice over a whisper, not daring to fight against him for fear of him pulling the trigger on his weapon.

"Here's how this is gonna work," he told her as he began grinding against her center. "You're a cop so you already know I know how to do this without leaving a mark. You're going to lay back and let me fuck you otherwise I take you in for DWI, resisting arrest, and assaulting a police officer, all three crimes that would make them take your badge."

"Please no," Olivia choked out as tears began to stream down her face. "Please don't do this. I- I'm sorry for giving you attitude. I didn't mean it."

He ignored her pleas as he gripped the bottom of her shirt and yanked it off her and threw it to the floor. He grabbed her bra and ripped it in two revealing her breasts.

His hands were on her curves in seconds and Olivia let out a cry of fear and pain as he began to maul her curves.

"Stop!" she screamed as she twisted beneath him. "Somebody help me! Please!"

"That's it," he groaned as he reached in between them and popped open the button on her jeans and unzipped her fly. "I love it when bitches fight."

Olivia twisted every which way she could trying to get him off of her but it was to no avail and the harder she fought him, the more excited he got.

Her sobs choked her as he grabbed the waistband of her jeans and panties and yanked them down all the way. She tried to close her legs but he simply forced them apart once more and slammed against her core that was still sensitive from when she had been with David just hours ago…

He reached in between them once more and unzipped his jeans and pulled out his rock hard member.

He spit on his fingers and began to rub the outside of her sex to draw some moisture from her. Her cries grew louder and she prayed with all her might that someone would hear her.

"Help me!" she screamed again. "Please someone help me!"

He forced open her legs even furthor as he guided his unit to her entrance before he pushed inside her.

Olivia screamed as loud as she could as the pain ripped through her. He grabbed a hold of her breasts and began to ruthlessly maul her as he leaned down and began to roughly kiss her neck while he pumped in and out of her.

"Stop!" she sobbed desperately. "Please stop! PLEASE!"

"Shut up!" he hissed as he buried himself to the hilt before pulling out and slamming back into her again.

Olivia sobbed harder as he continued to devour her body. Her hands were quickly losing circulation from the combined weight of her and her rapist on top of them. Finally, she screamed the only thing she could think of. She knew it was worthless to scream for him but she couldn't help it. She wanted him there more than she had ever wanted anything in her whole life.

"David!" she screamed through her sobs as he pushed harder and harder inside her, ripping her from the inside out. "David, please! David, please help me!"

He laughed openly at her pleas for her boyfriend as he bent down next to her ear. "You're so fucking pathetic," he spat before his lips attacked the one spot behind her ear that usually drove her insane.

Finally, after what seemed like an entire lifetime, his movements sped up and his groans and grunts became far louder. He buried himself deep inside her and came hard.

He collapsed on top of her and simply laid there breathing heavilly for a long moment before he pushed himself off of her. He twisted her around sharply and uncuffed her hands before he grabbed her by the hair and dragged her out of the car and threw her to the ground. She was far to spent to fight back against him. He bundled her clothes and threw them at her.

He kneeled down next to her and showed her that he still had her license. "You tell a living soul, I'm coming back for you."

Olivia didn't even have the strength to turn and look at him as he reached in his pocket and threw her shield and knife down beside her before he pulled out her weapon and forced her legs open again and shoved her gun inside her.

She let out a strangled cry of pain as he bent down low next to her ear. "That's for the attitude," he hissed before he stood up, zipped his pants and walked away.

Olivia closed her eyes against the chilly winter night as she heard the car drive away. Fresh tears made their way down her face as she slowly stood up. With a trembling hand, she pulled her weapon from inside her, dressed herself, wiped the blood and fluids from her gun with her jacket and reholstered it before she picked up her phone and dialed a familiar number.

He picked up after three rings with a tired. "Hello."

A flood of emotions washed over her as she heard his heavenly voice and it took a moment for her to compose herself before she spoke. "Da- David."

"Liv? Liv, Baby, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice sounding more awake now.

Olivia let out a sob before she shook her head. "Please just… can you come get me?"

"Olivia, what happened?" he demanded his voice full of fear and worry

"Please," she begged her voice on the verge of hysterics. "Please just come get me."

"Where are you?"

She made her way slowly to the end of the alley where she saw an old rusted street sign. "On the corner of 107th and 89th. Please hurry."

"I'll be right there," he assured her. "I love you."

"I… I love you too."

Without another word she hung up the phone. She kept her composure for less than a moment before she slid down the cold brick wall, pulled her knees to her chest, and began to sob…

Please Review


	2. Chapter 2

I own no one but my own people

A/N Wow! Thanks for the mega positive reviews, y'all! It was wicked nice to see all the positive feedback as well as the nice wishes regarding my deployment which, speaking of, December 9th is the new unofficial date I fly out of this wretched ass country so we'll see if that's just another strong rumor or the truth meaning if it is, I'll be home for Christmas :D

ANYWHO, please enjoy this next chapter and don't forget to review, or follow or favorite. Either or is good with me :-)

Olivia sat shivering on the ground as a light snow fell around her. Her tears had yet to cease and her only salvation was that it was nearing four in the morning and no one was around to badger her.

It had been nearly thirty minutes after she had called David and pleaded with him to come pick her up. Several people had called her on her cell but after the first ring she had turned it on silent so she didn't have to hear the incessant ringing.

She stared at the sidewalk below her feet which had a small dusting of snow on top of the concrete. The images swam before her and melded into one indistinguishable picture. Pain ripped through her and it hurt to even move much less stand up so she wouldn't be sitting on the ice cold ground, not that she had the strength to stand up anyway…

Olivia heard the car before she saw the blinding bright head lights and Olivia shivered uncontrollably in her stationary spot. She didn't look up at the intruder as the stopped in front of her. Maybe it was the cop to come back to finish the job. Her heart began pounding wildly against her chest as that thought screamed at her. She whimpered softly as she heard a car door open and slam shut.

Her eyes closed tight as tears fell behind her lids. "Please don't kill me," she whispered, barely loud enough for herself to hear.

"Olivia?"

That voice. That wonderful amazing voice brought a small smidgen of hope to her as she looked up from the ground and saw David sprint over to her.

"David," she breathed softly as he kneeled down beside her.

"What happened?" he asked his voice full to bursting with genuine concern and worry. "Liv, what's wrong?"

Olivia simply shook her head. She couldn't tell him. He'd never want to lay eyes on her again if he knew. She couldn't lose him. Not yet…

"Liv, who did this to you?" asked David softly as he put a hand to her cheek and pushed a stray piece of matted hair away from her eyes. "Oh God you're freezing." He pulled off his over coat and draped it around her shoulders. She winced when he touched her but the extra warmth provided a miniscule amount of relief.

"I… I need to get to a hospital," Olivia said with a slight sniff as she used a trembling hand to wipe away a stray tear before she pulled the coat around her tighter.

"Why? Olivia, tell me what happened."

"I can't. David, please don't make me. Not now."

David swallowed hard before he nodded. He hated how she was hurting and she wouldn't let him in. But if keeping whatever happened to herself brought her some sense of happiness then he would let her have it.

"Can you walk?"

Olivia closed her eyes as more tears leaked out before she spoke. "A- a little bit."

Without another word needed from her, he put one hand on her back and the other under her knees and lifted her with ease. Olivia fashioned her arms around his neck and buried her head in his chest, inhaling the intoxicating scent she could only describe as 'David'.

He managed to get the passenger door open and gently lowered her into the seat. A wave of hot air washed over her from the car's heater and she wrapped David's coat around her tighter.

David got in on the opposite side and without a word he drove off towards the hospital.

Every now and again he'd glance over at her but couldn't find the right words to say to her much less ask what had happened to her that put her in this state.

Finally, after several silent moments that were only interrupted by Olivia sniffling, David finally spoke. "Where's the car?"

Olivia's eyes closed as she bowed her head, more tears spilling out from behind her closed lids. "I… I was car jacked," she lied, unable to look at him. "I don't know where it is."

"Jesus, Liv," David breathed as he glanced over at her. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?"

Olivia's bottom lip trembled as she spoke. "They just banged me up a little."

David glanced over at her again but this time looking at her more closely. There wasn't a single visible mark on her that he could see but he could see without a shadow of a doubt that there was something seriously wrong with her.

Her eyes held a hollow emptiness that he had never seen before. Usually when she spoke about her cases or victims there was a passion or sadness burning in her that was as clear as day. Recently when she was with him, some of that sadness and pain that plagued her when she spoke about her cases disappeared into something jubilant and her face would light up when she was around him.

Now there wasn't passion or even sadness or anything. She was just… empty.

David reached over to rub her back to assure her that everything was going to be okay and she flinched away from him as if he had hit her.

Olivia backed against the door, her brown eyes wide and petrified. David swallowed hard as he jerked his hand away. "Liv, you're okay," he assured her gently. "It's just me…"

Olivia felt a fresh wave of tears roll down face as she slowly moved back towards the center of the sea. She couldn't look at him the whole rest of the drive and he made no further attempts to touch or talk to her.

The remaining ride to the hospital was long and the most awkward drive she had ever taken. Finally, David pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and turned off the car.

"I wanna go in there by myself," Olivia told him as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

"I'm not gonna let you go through this alone.

"David, please. I'm only gonna be a minute. You don't need to come in."

"But I want to."

Olivia felt a surge of anger rush through her. Why couldn't he just listen to her? Why was he trying to control her?

"Just stop, okay?" she told him far more harshly then she had intended. "Just stay out here, I'll be out soon."

"Olivia-."

"Stop!"

Without another word Olivia wrenched open the door and climbed out of the car, slamming the door behind her.

A painful jolt rushed through her as she tried to walk. Her legs felt heavy and everything was sore beyond a pain she had ever felt. She froze just a few steps from the car as she struggled to gain her bearings. She was shaking so bad she wasn't sure how she was going to take even one more step much less make it to the hospital.

But not wanting David to think her anymore weak then she already was she forced herself to work through the pain and make her way into the hospital.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that the waiting room was held only with one or two homeless men looking for a place to sleep outside of the cold, and a younger couple who had an anxious look on their faces.

Olivia bypassed all of them to get to the Nurses Station where an older brunette nurse was reading a trashy tabloid magazine.

Olivia cleared her throat loudly and the nurse put down her magazine. She looked at Olivia over her glasses giving her an annoyed glance. "Can I help you?"

Olivia pulled out her badge and flashed it to the older woman. "I'm Detective Olivia Benson, Manhattan SVU." She struggled not to make her voice falter at the lie. "I have one of my victims in the car who was raped last night and she decided against the Plan B pill but she wants it now."

"Tell her to come in and I'll write a Prescription for her."

Olivia rubbed the back of her neck. "She doesn't want people to see her getting that particular pill. She's embarrassed. Is there any way I can just get the two pills for her?"

"Tell her there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Just tell her to come in and get the Pill."

When Olivia hesitated the nurse sighed with a bit of annoyance in her tone. "Look, I'm not gonna give her hell for it and I'll go to a Doctor who I know won't throw that pro life stuff in her face. Just tell her to come in to get the script. It'll take ten seconds."

Olivia began to panic slightly. If she told the nurse that it was her that was raped she'd call SVU and what had happened would become public knowledge of everyone on the force. She had already been looked down on by Elliot when he had found out. He may not have ever voiced it but she knew he thought less of her.

Now once the whole precinct found out, she would be looked down on buy everyone. Her best friend and partner were bad enough. But if Amaro and especially Rollins found out, both of whom looked to her to be the experienced strong senior in the group, she wouldn't be able to handle that.

Plus David. David, who had come in during one of the worst times in her life and swept her off her feet and helped put her slowly back together again. If he found out she wasn't strong enough to fight off her attacker… How would he ever want to be with her again? How would he even stand to look at her without thinking of what that Cop had done to her?

She couldn't lose him. Not now. Not when the man she thought would be by her side forever up and disappeared one day.

Olivia took a shuddering breath as she tried to plea with the Nurse once more. "Look, she… she's in a really bad spot right now. She needs this pills and it's already embarrassing enough to tell one person you were attacked so please. Just give me the script so I can give it to her."

The Nurses face fell as she looked over Olivia for a moment. "She does realize," she said softly, "that getting attacked isn't her fault and there's nothing to be ashamed about right?"

Olivia felt a flood of tears surging forth and she nodded, fighting with all of her will to make them stop.

"And she knows," the nurse continued, "that not getting an exam is probably the worst thing she can do when this bastard goes to jail right?"

Olivia felt a painful lump in her throat that was difficult to swallow. "Ye- yeah. She knows that. She knows that more than anyone. Just… she can't get it. Her work would find out. So... so please. Can I just get the pills to give to her?"

The nurse stared at her for a moment using that same damned pitied look that Elliot had given her when he found out about Sealview. She didn't want anyone's pity...

Finally the nurse sighed and nodded before she stood up from the chair. "Wait here a moment."

Olivia gave her a soft smile. "Thank you."

The nurse gave a curt nod before she walked away. Olivia took a shuddering breath before she took a shaking walk over towards one of the chairs and sat down.

The Detective bowed her head towards the floor and she wrung her hands together. Her foot tapped against the clean linoleum floor as she waited for the Nurse to return. She jumped at every small noise. She wanted to keep her head bowed but at the same time she couldn't stand not being able to see what was going on around her.

Several minutes had passed when she heard the sounds of an ambulance pull up to the front door. She glanced over to the entrance where two paramedics and a cop dressed in his uniform were running besides the bleeding man on the gurney.

Two Doctors sprinted over to the group as the Paramedics began firing rapidly about what had happened. Something about a gang shootout but Olivia paid no attention to anything other than the cop running beside them.

The cop turned and made eye contact with her for a brief moment. Her breath stilled, her body began to shake and an ice cold chill swept over her.

She clutched the arm rests of the chair as she struggled to take a breath. He had found her. He said he'd come back for her and he did. Her lips trembled and she began to scream silently inside her mind, unable to draw the breath she needed to scream out loud. He was going to kill her…

Suddenly a hand reached out and caught her by the shoulder. Olivia screamed and jumped up from her spot, as she reached for her gun.

"Detective, calm down!" the nurse who she had talked too shouted as she raised her hands in surrender. Olivia let out a strangled sob as she turned and saw that the whole room was now staring at her. She looked around but the cop that had ridden with the Gang member was nowhere to be found.

Slowly reality came back to her and she glanced up at het nurse, her whole body damp with sweat. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "I... I didn't-."

"It's alright," the nurse assured her with a gentle tone. The nurse held up two different pill bottles, one containing only two pills while the other held several.

The nurse held out a tiny white pill and dropped it in Olivia's hand. "This is the first dose in Plan B. Tell your victim to take one now, one in twenty four hours."

Olivia nodded as she quickly pocketed the tiny orange bottle. She held up the other bottle. "These are STD prevention meds. It'll prevent some common forms of some STDs but not all. Tell your Victim that it doesn't prevent HIV and that she should-."

"HIV?"

Olivia swallowed hard as she let those three letters swim angrily around in her head. If her attacker gave her that then there was no way in hell she would be ever be able to be intimate with David again. She wouldn't risk his life like that...

The nurse nodded solemnly. "Tell your victim she needs to be tested now, in three months, and again in six months."

Olivia nodded as the words sank in. Six whole months of not knowing. She wasn't sure she could make it…

Slowly, the Detective nodded as she pocketed the other bottle. She gave a cheerless smile to the nurse. "Thank you," she whispered softly.

The nurse gave her a curt nod. "You're very welcome, Detective. And tell your victim that there's no shame in anything that happened to her. And she's very lucky to have as good a Detective as you are fighting for her."

Tears welled in her eyes at the words but she never the less thanked her, turned, and headed back out into the cold.

David had pulled the car right up to the entrance just behind the ambulance and was leaning against the passenger side door.

"You okay?" he asked when she approached him.

Olivia forced herself to lie and nodded. "Yeah. I... I'm sorry for snapping, by the way."

David went to wrap his arms around her but she took a step back and looked down at the ground, avoiding his eyes. He swallowed hard as he put his hands deep in his jeans pocket. "It's okay," he told her with a forced smile. "If I had the night you did, I'd be a little snappy as well."

Olivia gave him a smile of gratitude before he her phone began to vibrate in her pocket. Deciding she couldn't ignore anyone else any longer, she answered with a heavy spoken "Benson."

"Where the hell are you?" Cragen barked at her. David raised a brow at her boss's harsh words. "I've been trying to call you for the past hour!"

Olivia ran a gloved hand through her hair. "Captain, I'm sorry. I was car jacked, I got a ride and I'm on my way to the scene now."

"Jesus, Liv," Cragen breathed, his tone a complete 180 from moments before. "Are you alright? Did you file a report?"

"I'm fine; they just banged me up a little. And not yet."

"Okay, go to the precinct and file a report then continue on with your weekend off. Do you still have your badge and gun?"

"Yeah but, Captain, how's Kristen?"

There was a long pause before he answered. "Kristen was dead before we got here. Warner says she'd only been dead a few minutes when we arrived. I'm so sorry, Olivia."

Olivia felt her heart sink. If she hadn't of let herself get attacked then she would have been there in time to stop it. It was her fault Kristen was dead…

After a long pause Cragen cleared his throat. "We got the husband" he told her with a false sense of joy. "He was showering when we got here."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" she asked dryly.

"Knowing we're going to get justice for the victim always did before."

Olivia shook her head before she spoke two harsh words that even sent a shiver of chills down her spine. "Things change."

Then with the press of a button the call ended and she shoved the phone back into her pocket.

"You okay?" asked David as she rubbed her temples with her forefingers.

"No."

She pushed past him and got in the car. He followed her in via the driver's side and glanced over at her. She rested her head on the window as tears slowly made their way down her face, not even trying to fight them.

He started the car and glanced over at her. "Where do you wanna go?"

"Home."

"What about the car?"

"I'll deal with it in the morning. Just please take me home."

David nodded silently before he started the car and drove off into the night.

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	3. Chapter 3

Olivia breathed a small sigh of relief when David pulled up to her apartment. It had been a long, awkwardly silent ride back to her building and she was glad beyond any and all repair that it was over.

David shut off the car and looked over at her. She swallowed hard as she glanced down at the floor. "You want me to walk you up?"

Normally he would have done this without any question, never daring to dream of not being chivalrous to her but there was something different about her tonight…

Olivia shook her head slightly, still not looking at him. She opened her mouth to tell him that she knew how to protect herself but the living nightmare from a mere hour ago replayed heavily inside her mind and she knew it would have been a lie if she gave him that excuse.

She didn't want his protection. She didn't want to be around anybody right now. She just wanted to close her eyes and forget anything that had happened.

Olivia cleared her throat as she turned towards him and offered him a clearly forced smile she was only able to hold for less than a moment. "I'm fine."

David looked as if he was about to protest before he gave a soft smile. "Okay."

He reached over to kiss her and she turned her head to the side, letting out a shuddering breath. David paused as he pulled away from her. "I'm sorry," she whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear her.

Without another word she opened the car door and shut it behind her.

Olivia shuddered against the chilly air that bit at her and she hurried into the building to escape the ice cold elements.

She leaned up against the wall for a moment as she struggled to gain her bearings before she made her way up the four flights of stairs, wincing at every painful step. When she finally reached her landing she eyed her door and her heart began pounding harsh against her chest.

He had her license. He knew where she lived…

Olivia began to tremble as she took slow unsteady steps towards her door, blood pounding in her ears. As her head reached for the doorknob she was shaking so bad she could barely move much less breathe.

"You okay?" David's sweet soft voice rang in her ear. Olivia let out a sob as she leaned against the door, tears leaking out against her closed eyes.

"What do you want?" she spoke through her tears, still not turning towards him.

David swallowed hard as he held out her purse. "You left your purse in the car."

Olivia took several deep breaths that did nothing for her composure as he reached in her purse and got out her keys and unlocked the door for her, pushing it open.

Olivia swallowed hard as he spoke, realization dawning on him... "What did they do to you?"

Olivia shook her head as she finally turned towards him, tears. "I can't."

"Olivia, please. I told you before; no matter what it is I can handle it. I'm not going anywhere."

Olivia shook her head once more. "Not this."

He reached out to wrap his arms around her and she took a step away from what she knew to be a warm embrace.

David swallowed hard as he handed her her purse. "Lemme come in and make you something to eat."

"I'm fine."

"A drink?"

As tempting as it sounded, Olivia knew the last thing she needed right now was alcohol. "David-," she began with an annoyed groan.

"Olivia, come on," he interrupted with a heavy plea. "I'm worried about you."

"Well I'm fine."

"Oh obviously," he answered with a heavy air of sarcasm.

She glared at him for a moment before she sighed, rubbing her temples. "Fine, you can come in. Just…" Olivia looked towards the inside of her apartment before she turned back towards him, any fight she had left diminishing. "Can you stay on the couch?"

David nodded wordlessly and without a moment's hesitation. While questions brewed heavily in his mind about her request, he wouldn't try for anything more than that.

Without another word Olivia turned and headed into her apartment with David following. He closed the door behind them. She grabbed some spare sheets, a blanket, and pillow and quickly made up the couch, all without speaking to David who stood watching her.

When she was done she turned to him and rubbed the back of her neck. "I… I get it, if you don't wanna stay," she told him, half of her hoping he would take the invitation to bolt.

David shook his head. "I'm not leaving you."

Olivia sighed and nodded, running a hand through her disheveled hair. "Fine Just… um… Goodnight."

She turned and began to head for her bedroom when he called out to her again. Olivia looked back towards him and he gave her a clearly forced smile. "I love you."

Olivia swallowed and gave a curt nod. "Good night, David."

Leaving him more confused than ever, she headed into her room. He could hear her sobs through the door, as much as she tried to hide them and it took every single ounce of restraint he had not to go running in her room and comforting her.

Holding onto that same self-control that he was barely able to hang onto, he kicked off his shoes and socks then stripped himself of his shirt and jeans. Lying down on the couch, his heart broke a little more every moment that he heard her cry

Eventually Olivia's tears ceased or at least she had quieted them down some so David couldn't hear them anymore, and David didn't feel as bad falling asleep as he did when he heard her sobs.

With a muttered 'love you' directed at the pained woman, his eyes closed and sleep took over.

XxXxX

David groaned as he heard a frantic knocking on the front door. He slowly opened his eyes and glanced at his watch. It was a little after five thirty in the morning. He had gotten just a little over an hour of sleep.

Not wanting to wake Olivia, David groaned as he sat up on the couch and shuffled over towards the door, opening it without bothering to check the peephole.

"Can I help you?" he grumbled sleepily, his eyes half closed and clouded with sleep.

"What the hell are you doing here?" came Cragen's demanding voice. David's eyes shot open as he looked upon the Captain who appeared more frantic and worried then he did angry.

"Cap- Captain Cragen." David cleared his throat and stood up as straight as he could, trying to ignore the fact he was only wearing a pair of boxer shorts. "Wha- what are you doing here so early?"

Cragen looked him over and shook his head as he pushed past him into the apartment. "I'll be angry about this later. Where's Olivia?"

David rubbed the back of his neck. "She's sleeping right now. She had a long night and I really don't think you should wake her."

"No I need to talk to her now. Did she tell you anything about this carjacking?"

David shook his head. "Just that they roughed her up a little bit."

"A little bit is an understatement," Cragen muttered. "What else?" he asked, his voice rising.

"Nothing."

"Were you with her when she went to the hospital?"

"Yeah, I dropped her off. She was only in there for a few minutes."

"Did she have a victim with her?"

Another shake of the nod was the Lawyers answer. "No, Sir, it was just us two."

Cragen ran a hand over his bald head before he looked at David more heartbroken and devastated then David had ever seen the older man.

"Go wake her up." Cragen's voice stunned him. It was broken and defeated, like he had just gotten conformation of the worst news he had ever heard.

"Sir-."

His words left no room for argument. "Now, Haden."

With a sigh, David nodded and he headed into Olivia's room. He winced as he opened the door and saw her. Usually when she was sleeping she looked peaceful and content. Not now. Her eyes were shut tight and her hand was clutching the sheet and a look of unmistakable fright and horror was embedded on her face. Low, frightened whimpers flew past her lips.

He walked up to the bed and kneeled down beside it. "Liv," he whispered softly, giving her shoulder a gentle shake. "Olivia, wake up."

Never being a light sleeper, Olivia's eyes flew open and she gasped for air, her eyes wide and frightened.

She quickly sat up in bed and scampered towards the opposite edge of the bed.

"Olivia, relax," he told her. "It's just me…"

Tears filled her brown eyes as she swiped a hand through her hair. David frowned when he saw that she was still dressed in the previous night's clothes.

"What are you doing in here?" she demanded, her voice hitched in fright.

"Cragen's here," he explained, "he wants to talk to you."

Olivia swallowed hard and nodded as she threw off the blanket and stood up, slowly walking out of the bedroom.

The moment Cragen saw her, she knew. His eyes held the one thing she wanted from no one. Pity…

The Captain walked up to her and swallowed hard when he met her eyes. "A nurse from Sacred Rose called," he explained softly.

Olivia swallowed and nodded. "Ho- how much did she tell you?"

"Enough."

Olivia covered her lips with a trembling hand as she sniffed her tears away. "How- how many pe- people know?"

"Just me," he assured her. "She… she also said you left without having an exam done."

Olivia turned towards David whose face fell as realization dawned on him. His eyes widened as his mouth fell open. "Oh my God…"

Olivia felt the tears she had been struggling against win over. David ran a hand through his crop of hair. "You… you were…?"

Olivia nodded as more tears ran down her face. David never felt such a surge of anger course through him as he did right then.

Cragen walked up and stood beside her. "Liv, we need to get you to a hospital."

"Captain, I can't. Everyone would know."

"You need to get the examination done."

Olivia shook her head as she walked away from the two of them. "I… I know I need to but I… I can't."

Cragen opened his mouth to speak but David interrupted him as he walked up to her. "Olivia, you have to. This... this demon deserves to rot in jail for what he did to you."

"David, you don't understand." She turned to look at him. "I can't deal with the stares again. I can't deal with the little whispers that I can't do my job or that I'm… that I'm weak. I know you're going to think that and that's bad enough."

David's face fell. He walked up to her and stood in front of her, placing a finger under his chin so that she was looking at him. She flinched at the light contact but nevertheless met his eyes. "Olivia, listen to me. I would NEVER think of you as weak. Ever."

"David-."

"No. I don't care what anyone else thinks. You're not weak and I swear on my life I would never think of you like that."

For what felt like the millionth time that night tears flooded her eyes. David reached up and gently wiped them away. Cragen cleared his throat and both turned to look at him, neither Olivia nor David seeming to care that their secret had just been revealed.

"Olivia, I swear this won't get spread around," promised Cragen. "You have my word. But you know what'll happen if you don't report this or don't go to the hospital. He WILL strike again and some other innocent woman will have to suffer through this."

Olivia swallowed hard as she let his words swim around in her head. She knew, both in her heart and mind that he was right. She would rather go through the pain of her attack again then have another woman suffer what she had gone through.

Olivia closed her eyes as she nodded.

Cragen gave a curt nod as he walked up to her. "Grab your coat and shoes. We'll take my car."

Without another word Olivia walked into her bedroom. David went to follow but Cragen reached out to stop him. "You're not off the hook, Haden," Cragen reminded him, though his voice was far less stern then what it would have been under normal circumstances. "I'm willing to let this go until she recovers enough to deal with the repercussions."

David looked at him as if he had grown three heads. "You can't be serious."

"But for now," Cragen continued, acting as if he had never heard him. "You two still have to pull the cloak and dagger routine you've been pulling. I don't know how I missed it and I don't wanna know specifics or details, but know this; IAB won't care she's been attacked. They will pull her job out from under her. I saw the way you looked at her, Haden, and if you really care for her, you'll continue to do what you've been doing and keep it secret."

David sighed as he nodded. "Fine. I just… I don't want her to be alone during this."

"She won't be. She'll have you, just… just not in public."

"If that's what she wants, then okay, but if she wants me with her, then I will be there with her every step of the way, my job be damned."

The two men stared at one another for a moment before Olivia emerged from her room now with shoes on with her white coat over her.

David walked over to her and swallowed hard as he forced himself to remain several steps away. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Olivia shook her head. He already knew enough, he didn't need to be there when she was violated a second time.

David nodded. He wasn't going to push her. "Okay. I'll be here when you get back, alright?" He flashed Olivia her favorite crooked smile. "Maybe I'll even make you a homemade lunch. I'll call the Chinese place from your home and everything."

Olivia could only manage a weak chuckle but it was enough for David. His smile grew larger as he stepped out of the way to let her pass.

"Ready?" asked Cragen.

Olivia nodded again and took a deep breath as she walked towards Cragen. The two began to walk out together but just as Cragen opened the door for her Olivia turned back around. "David?"

He looked towards her and she managed a miniscule barely noticeable smile. "I love you too."

With that, she walked out of the house with Cragen beside her…

XxXxX

Once again, a loud frenzied knock on the door was David's alarm clock.

"Can't a guy get any sleep around here?" he grumbled as he rolled out off Olivia's couch for the second time in a three hour period. Once again he slowly shuffled towards the door and opened it without a second glance.

"What?" he muttered, not even attempting to be polite.

"Well fuck me three ways from sideways," came another, extremely familiar voice full to bursting with excitement. "David Haden?"

David's eyes shot open and despite his tiredness, he beamed at the person who had interrupted his sleep before he reached out and two embraced like brothers. For he hadn't seen this man, his best friend and the closest family member David had, in nearly a year and a half...

The man who stood on Olivia's doorstep, who David would, and almost did once, lay down his life for, was none other than Ian McNulty. Highly decorated NYPD Street Cop, and David's first and only cousin…

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	4. Chapter 4

I own no one but my own people

A/N So you may have heard on the news there was an attack on Bagram the other day. I'm fine, everyone in my unit is fine, and no American Soldiers were killed. 6 American Soldiers were injured, 3 Afghan Soldiers were killed, and 6 Afghan Civilians were killed in a separate attack, 3 of them being under the age of 16, so this chapter goes out to the 6 Americans in hopes that they get back on their feet and get to see their families back home soon and the 9 Afghans who lost their lives.

"Ian!" David cried happily as he clapped his cousin on the back, embracing him as if he were his brother instead of cousin. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Ian shrugged as he pulled away from David, beaming at his younger cousin. "I think the better question is what are you doing here? Doesn't Olivia Benson live here?"

David nodded. "Yeah."

"So again, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Me and Olivia are dating," David told him as he moved out of the way to let Ian into the apartment, shutting the door behind him. "Going on four months now."

As hard as he struggled, a smirk played on Ian's handsome features. "Congratulations, man. Do you love her or is this sort of a casual type thing?"

"I'm serious about her."

Ian shook his head as he chuckled, clapping David on the shoulder. "That's… that's great man."

David looked at him curiously. "You okay?"

"Yeah, man," Ian said struggling, and failing, to hide his grin. "Everything's perfect." David still seemed unconvinced as Ian cleared his throat. "So anyway, is Olivia here? I need to speak to her about something."

David's face fell as he shook his head. "No she's out. She… she's not here right now."

Ian narrowed his eyes as he crossed his arms across her chest. "She okay?"

David sighed as he raked a hand through his thick hair. "No. She's… I-... I mean I probably shouldn't say anything."

"David," Ian began firmly but not unkind, "I'm a cop. If one of my own is in trouble then I need to know. You can trust me."

"No I know. I just… It's not my place."

Ian nodded. "I understand."

David gave Ian a strong clap on the shoulder. "Thanks. So what are you doing here anyway?" David asked again as he made his way over to the fridge to see if there was anything in there to make a half way decent breakfast.

"Someone found a car abandoned on the side of the road, ran the plates, belonged to an Olivia Benson at this address just figured I'd stop by and check up on her and tell her we have her car."

"A phone call would have worked. You didn't need to stop by."

"Car reeked of booze so I just wanted to make sure she got home safely."

David nodded. "Yeah she got an award from the Mayor so we had a few drinks but she seemed pretty level headed when she left."

Ian nodded, gauging David's expression carefully. "Wow. Tonight must have been a hell of a good night for her then."

"It was," muttered David as he grabbed a carton of eggs and set them down a tad bit too harshly.

Ian sighed as he went up to David and turned him around to face him. "David, you're my best friend. You always have been. What's going on with you?"

David sighed as he sat down at the table with Ian following, looking, what David believed, was legitimately concerned. There was a long silence between them before David finally spoke. "You have to promise me that you'll never repeat a word of this. To anyone. Her Captain is already taking care of it."

"I promise, man. What's going on?"

"Olivia was attacked last night."

"Jesus," Ian breathed feigning shock. "Is she okay? I mean did they just beat her up or…?"

David shook his head. "They hurt her. Bad."

"Bad as in…?"

"Bad as in… as in they raped her."

Ian's eyes widened with true to God shock. He thought for sure she would have been smart enough to keep silent. That's why he had come over to her house for. Along with getting another screw out of it, he was going to reassure her that his threat wasn't idle.

But now it seems she had taken his words lightly, not thinking that he wouldn't follow through on what he had promised. That if she told a soul of what happened that he would kill her. He had made good on his threats before but Olivia was a whole other ballgame with new rules.

She wasn't some junkie whore he could say overdosed. She was cop in very good standing, not unlike himself, and to top it off she was dating his cousin. No, he had to think of something special for her. She would have to be handled delicately…

Ian held back the smirk as his face twisted in horror. "Oh my God," he breathed. "Is she okay?"

"I don't know," David admitted. "Physically there wasn't a mark on her but it hurt her to walk. Emotionally and mentally? They really screwed her up." David's eyes narrowed in disgust. "I swear to God when I find the sons of bitches who hurt her I'll kill them."

"So did she give any kind of clue or evidence or said anything about who did it?" asked Ian, once again watching David's every move perfectly.

"Not one. I mean she went with her Captain to the hospital so maybe she told him but she didn't tell me anything about them."

Ian let out a quiet side of relief as he nodded. "Wow. I'm sorry, man. It sounds like you really care about her."

"More than anything."

Ian gave him a soft smile before he nodded. "Hey look, if there's anything I can do-."

"No, I think she'll be okay. Just keep it between us okay? She's really embarrassed about what happened."

"Without a doubt," said Ian with a straight face.

David offered him a short lived smile before he turned back to the fridge. "You want something to eat? I'm not much of a cook but I think I can handle scrambled eggs."

"You forget I've had your cooking," Ian said with a laugh. "Scrambled eggs aren't supposed to be crunchy."

"It was one time and I was eight."

"Better safe than sorry."

"Whatever."

The two cousins grinned at one another before Ian straightened out his cap. "I'm actually just about to meet some of the guys over at Jays Diner for breakfast. Smoking hot waitress gives us free muffins every morning."

"Good to know," David said with a laugh. "Want me to walk you out?"

"Nah, I'm fine. Thanks though." Once more the two embraced clapping one another on the back. "Don't be a stranger," said Ian as they pulled away. "I'll stop by later on before my shift so we can catch up."

"I don't think Olivia is gonna be very guest friendly for a while," David admitted. "And I'm gonna stay with her until she orders me away so maybe in like two weeks we can go out and get a beer or something?"

"That'd be fine. Plus I'm just dying to meet this chick. I think she'd really like me."

"I'm sure she will," agreed David with a smile as they walked to the front door. David opened the door for him but before he left Ian reached into his pocket and pulled out two cards. "Give one to Olivia and the other is for you so you don't have an excuse not to call me," he instructed as he handed David the two contact cards.

"Fine but why do you want me to give one to Olivia?"

"Usually I'd impound the car but after the night she had, I'm willing to just park it in my garage and drive it over to her when she gets back from the hospital."

"That's really nice of you," David said with another smile. "I really appreciate that."

Ian shrugged. "Just looking out for a fellow cop. See ya, David."

With a tip of his hat, Ian walked out the apartment, a sly conniving smirk playing on his lips as he walked away.

He was gonna have a lot of fun with her before she died…

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	5. Chapter 5

I own no one but my own people

A/N You know that whole early December date I was talking about? Well that got moved up to January. Again. So basically I have not a single clue when I'm leaving here, the only thing anyone knows for certain is they can't keep us here longer then January 7th so that's good at least. Anyway, thanks for the reviews and well wishes. I'm really glad y'all are enjoying this :-) Anyway; please continue to enjoy. And review. But mostly enjoy :-)

Cragen stood outside Olivia's hospital room while he waited for the nurse to call him in to sign the paperwork to assure proper chain of custody. He asked Olivia if she wanted him to call Rollins so Olivia could give her statement to a female but Olivia had been on the verge of near hysterics of the mere idea that the younger cop who looked up to Olivia found out what happened to the seasoned veteran.

So Cragen agreed to take her statement, keeping the thoughts to himself that even if it was just one other person, he would have to notify one of his other Detectives, and had stood outside the exam room to give her an inkling of privacy she had left. When Olivia pointed out that if the Defense Attorney ever found out there hadn't been a cop in the room during the exam it would destroy their case, Cragen pointed out that there was a cop in the room, and he also assured her that they wouldn't find out he wasn't in there during her second violation, at least not from him.

A million and one thoughts ran rampant through Cragen's mind as he waited to talk to her. She had kept her assault from Sealview silent from everyone, including Elliot. They all knew SOMETHING had happened when she had been dragged to the basement but no one knew, sans Fin who point blank refused to betray her confidence even under threat of suspension, knew the specifics.

But Cragen knew, whatever Lowell Harris had done to her, he hadn't gone all the way with what he wanted. This time though... this time it was different. Some bastard. Some soulless monster had raped her. He thought for sure that she would have gotten help if this ever happened to her but she was fighting and clawing every step of the way.

Cragen doubted she would have told anybody if the nurse that Olivia had gotten the drugs from hadn't been so concerned with the peculiar way the Detective was acting and called up Cragen to tell him someone who claimed to be Manhattan SVU had all but admitted she'd been raped.

When the nurse gave him Olivia's name Cragen felt his whole world come crashing down around him. He had no idea how to deal with this. He knew how to handle victims but this was one of his own; a top end Detective that Cragen thought more than once would be the one to take his place when he finally retired. There was something special about Olivia that made her different then the other Detectives he had under him. Something he wasn't sure she would retain after this ordeal.

It sickened him to know that someone would break someone like Olivia down beyond salvation just for a quick screw. He swore he would kill whoever attacked her. Come hell or high water, this bastard would pay…

Cragen had just begun to wonder if he should get her a cup of coffee when the nurse opened the door, and shut it gently behind her.

"Is the exam over?" asked Cragen as the nurse handed off the evidence box to him.

The Nurse nodded as she rubbed the back of her neck while Cragen signed the correct paperwork. "Yes but… but there's something that's not making sense."

"Which is?"

"There wasn't a single mark on her physically. It's obviously she had rough sex but-."

"This wasn't rough sex, she was raped!" barked Cragen.

The Nurse shook her head. "I don't know, Captain. I've done a lot of rape kits and… I would just be careful that you aren't getting played."

Ignoring the icy cold glare Cragen gave her the nurse took the paperwork from him and walked away. Cragen shook his head as he looked down at the rape kit. He didn't want Olivia to see him with it but it's not like he could very well leave it out here.

After a moment of debating, Cragen set the box down and covered it with his coat. Olivia would know full well what it was but at least she couldn't see it. He picked the box back up and headed into the room.

Olivia sat shivering on the cold hospital bed with only a thin cloth gown to shield her from the cold and her Captains eyes, unsure if her tremors were a result of the cold December weather or the situation she was in, her head down and gazing at the tiled floor.

"How you feeling?" he asked as he set the box down besides the door, his voice as soft as he could make it.

Olivia shrugged, still not lifting her eyes to meet his. "I just wanna leave."

Cragen stayed silent as he pulled up a chair and sat it besides the bed. "And you can as soon as I get your statement."

"You have the rape kit, you don't need a statement."

Cragen started to reach out to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder but quickly thought better of it and put his hand in his lap instead. "Olivia, you know that's not how it works," he reminded her gently

Tears welled in her eyes that she wiped with the back of her hand. Cragen waited for a few moments in silence before he spoke again. "Olivia, there's nothing to be afraid of. I swear to you, listen to me, I swear to you I'll get this guy off the streets and in prison."

"I'm not afraid." Her voice faltered at the end revealing the lie. "I just…" She sighed and ran a hand through her disheveled hair. "It's complicated."

"Was it David Haden?"

"No!" she barked as she finally lifted her head up to meet his eyes. For a brief shining moment her eyes filled with the familiar burning passion he saw on a daily basis. "David didn't do anything!"

"So then who did? Who are you protecting?"

The flame died out as soon as it had been lit as she glanced back down to the floor. "I'm not protecting him. I just… I just can't tell you."

"Yes you can. Whoever it is, Olivia, I'll get him."

"It's not that simple."

A million names whirled though Cragen's mind ranging from the Governor to IAB members to various CEOs that had a history of not being the best trusted around women. But he didn't care. If one of them had hurt Olivia then he'd treat them no better than the dog he was.

"Olivia, look at me. Please." After a long moment she complied and she met his eyes once more. "I don't care if Obama himself attacked you he's not getting away with it. I promise you that he will pay, no matter how powerful he is." Cragen let his words sink in for a moment before he continued. "Who was it? A politician, CEO, IAB…?"

Olivia closed her eyes before she spoke. "It… it was a Cop."

Cragen felt his stomach turn into a hard slab of concrete. He expected some powerhouse monster that had influence in the community, someone with no ties, someone he had taken on before but this… This he wasn't expecting. This put the entire attack into a whole other playing field.

He knew that his Squad would stand behind Olivia one hundred and ten percent, the same they would have done if any other person in their unit had gotten attacked. But in the same breath, he knew if one of their own was accused of rape, much less raping a fellow officer… Until it was slapping them all in the face multiple times over, the victim would be doubted and looked at as nothing more than a liar.

Cragen fought against the stunned and shocked look on his face, trying his hardest not to let her see his concerns. "So what? A badge doesn't mean you get a free pass to rape. You have my word that he'll be treated no better than if it had been anybody else that attacked you, I promise you, Olivia. You wanna tell me what happened now?"

Olivia took a few deep breaths that did nothing to calm her nerves. "I was… I was on my way to Kristen's house. I didn't wanna waste time driving to the precinct to get the Sedan so I just took my car. I was speeding and he… he pulled me over. I thought about stopping but I didn't want any more trouble when I got to Kirsten's house."

Cragen quickly wrote down the statement in his notes as he waited patiently for her to continue. "He walked up to the car, driver's side, and asked for my license and registration. I showed him that and my badge and told him who I was and that I was on my way to a victim's house. He said it looked like I was trying to bribe my way out of a ticket, I told him I wasn't and he didn't believe me."

Olivia had to take a deep breath before she continued. "I… I told him Kristen's address and told him it probably came over the radio. He said it didn't then I told him I put in the call personally. When he asked if I was calling him a liar I started to reach in my bag."

"For what?"

"For my phone to call you."

Cragen nodded as he wrote down the information. "What happened next?"

He could see the tears welling in her eyes as she told him the story; how she had gotten slightly confrontational with the cop, how he thought she was drunk, Olivia protested adamantly she wasn't and it took Cragen several minutes to convince her that he believed her, and how he had put her under arrest, taking her badge, knife, cuffs, and gun in the process.

When she got to the ally, her words refused to cooperate with her and a hard lump grew in her throat that hurt to swallow. Cragen was holding back his own tears. "Olivia, you have to tell me what happened next."

Olivia let out a sob as she covered her mouth with a hand. "I can't! Please, Captain, don't make me do this!"

Cragen's heart broke for the woman sitting before him. He wanted so bad to reach out and comfort her. His own tears fell down his face and he had to clear his throat and wipe them away before he spoke. "Olivia, I know you're strong enough for this. I know you can do this. You can't let him win."

Olivia leaned her head back against the headboard as the tears fell faster now, not even bothering to wipe them away. She stayed that for several minutes before she finally spoke. "He… he got out of the car and he came to the back door. He opened it and I told him to get away from me." Every word she spoke trembled like a leaf. "He just grabbed me and pulled me on my back and climb- climbed on top- top of me. I screamed at him to get away from me and he just told me to shut up before he... he laughed at me then got out his gun.

He… he pointed it at my head an- and told me that…" Olivia closed her eyes as the nightmare came flooding back full force.

"What?" Cragen prompted. "What did he tell you, Olivia?"

"He... he told me that… that 'you're a cop so you already know I know how to do this without leaving a mark. You're going to lay back and let me… let me fuck you otherwise I take you in for DWI, resisting arrest, and assaulting a police officer, all three crimes that would make them take your badge'. I… I told him I was sorry for giving him attitude but he didn't care. He… he ripped open my blouse and bra and he started… he started touching me."

Cragen hated the next question, unable to even imagine how horrible this must be for her. "Where did he touch you?"

Fresh tears leaked out as a scarlet blush rose to her skin. "He… He was touching my breasts. He kept on mauling them." Olivia seemed more ashamed of the next words that left her mouth than anything else before that. "It- it really hurt."

Cragen nodded, writing down the information she had given him. "What happened next?"

"I- I started fighting him and he told me that… that he loved it when 'bitches fight'. He got a lot more excited when I was struggling. He took off my jeans and panties and yanked them down and slammed in between me. I kept crying for help and telling him no an- and even asking _please_ but he didn't stop." Olivia let out a sob before she forced herself to continue. "Then he… he spat on his fingers and... and started to rub his fingers in- in-between my legs."

The tears which started off slow and steady now rose to a steady stream. She had lost all hope of seeming even a little bit put together in front of her Captain and the sobs and tears now flowed steadily. "H- He, he pushed inside me an- kissed my neck and was still mauling my- my breasts. I screamed at him to stop and he just told me to sh- to shut up."

"Olivia, we don't have to do this now," Cragen told her, almost pleading with her. "We can take a break if you need it." He hated seeing her like this. Her body wracked with sobs and tears flowing down her ashen face.

Olivia shook her head as another sob escaped her. She wanted to take her Captains advice and just stop cold but she also knew if she stopped now, then she wouldn't be able to find the strength to continue later. "He wa- was really rough and he kept pull- pulling out all the way before he slammed- before he slammed back in. He- he was touching me everywhere and I- I started scream- I started screaming for David to help me. I want- I wanted him there so bad!"

"Its okay, Olivia," Cragen told her as his own tears streamed down his face but he knew his words were a thousand miles away right then.

"He- he laughed at me an- and told me I wa- I was pathetic. And he jus- just kept hurting me over and over and over! He wouldn't stop! And he fina- finally came insi- inside me. He didn't… he didn't use a condom. He dragged me out of the car an- and told me that if I- that if I told anyone he'd kill me. He kept my license."

Cragen nodded as he jolted down what he assumed was coming to the end of her tale.

"He threw my clothes at me with my badge, knife, and cuffs."

"What'd he do with your gun?"

Another scarlet blush rose to her skin. She looked away from him as she whispered the words so faintly he missed them. "Olivia, I didn't hear you."

She closed her eyes in defeat as a fresh batch of tears made their way down her face. "I said he… he stuck my gun inside me."

Cragen felt bile rise in his throat at the admission. He had to take several deep breaths to compose himself.

"He told me that was for the attitude and walked away," she continued. "He got in his car and drove away. I got dressed in what I could then I called David to come pick me up."

"Did he ever tell you his name or did you see his name tape?"

Olivia hesitated for a long time before she nodded. "It… it said 'McNulty'. He was really built, white, about 6'3, and blue eyes. I'm not sure what precinct he was out of or what he car number was."

"And where did it all happen?"

"I'm not sure where he pulled me over but the ally was between 107th and 89th."

Cragen nodded before he looked up from his notebook to her. "We're gonna get this guy, Olivia, badge or not. He's not gonna get away with what he did to you."

Olivia remained silent as she leaned against het headboard. Cragen cleared his throat before he spoke, this time he was the one blushing. "You know I have to ask this, Liv. Before the attack did you and David-."

"Yes," she muttered, just as embarrassed as Cragen was.

Cragen closed his eyes for a moment before he spoke. "How many times?"

Olivia shook her head in disgust. She had always hated that a victims sexual life had to be put under a microscope if they were attacked but she never knew just how horrifically embarrassing it really was… "He… Captain, do I really have to answer this?"

"I know you don't want to, Olivia, but it has to get answered. I'm sorry."

Olivia closed her eyes again as she leaned against the headboard, unwilling to look at Cragen as she spoke. "David… David preformed oral sex and we had sex three times. Twice with me on the bottom and once... once from behind."

Cragen felt his cheeks go red hot. "Did he use protection?"

"All three times."

Cragen nodded as he flipped the tiny notebook closed and gave her as much of a comforting smile as he could. "You're done for now, Liv. Do you wanna get some rest or do you want me to drive you home?"

"I just wanna go home."

Cragen nodded as he stood up from the chair. "I'll get you something to wear."

Olivia nodded as Cragen offered her a smile that did nothing for her before he left the small hospital room.

An hour later Olivia, now wearing a pair of cheap gray hospital sweats, and Cragen was on their way back to her home. When they finally reached the apartment Olivia gave him as much of a smile at him as she could. "Thanks for the ride."

"No problem," Cragen assured her as she unbuckled the belt. "Do you want me to walk you up?"

Olivia shook her head. "You've done enough, Captain. I'm not sure how I can ever thank you for all of this."

"You never have to thank me for this, Olivia. I'll call you later with an update okay? Go get some rest."

Olivia smiled at him once more before she got out of the car and headed into her building. The entire lobby was abandoned save for one man who was dressed in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up who was lounging against the wall next to the stairs.

Hating herself for moving into a place without an elevator Olivia walked towards the stairs. Just as she was about to start her long climb to them, the hooded man grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her against the wall.

Olivia opened her mouth to scream but the man slammed a gloved mouth over her hand and got out an all too looking familiar pistol.

He slammed his legs in-between hers so she couldn't kick him, making her cry out in pain as tears ran down her face. "I told you not to tell so the first thing you do is squeal to anyone who'd hear you?" Ian's voice growled softly, still keeping his head down so the cameras couldn't pick up his face.

Olivia's whole body froze as terror seized her muscles, paralyzing her. "I… I didn't… I didn't tell!" she squeaked out as she forced her voice to work. "They figured it out! My Captain took me to the hospital but I swear I didn't tell him anything!"

Ian chuckled as he looked up so his eyes met hers. "You're such a bad liar, Olivia. But know this." He pressed tight against her. "I'm not gonna kill you just yet. That'd be way too easy." He stroked her face and pushed a piece of hair from her eyes, Olivia far too terrified to jerk out of his grasp. "I'm going to absolutely ruin you. I'm going to make you too afraid to even step out of your apartment and then I'm going to make it so you don't even feel safe inside your own skin. I own you now, Olivia. Don't you ever think any different and don't you dare forget it."

He slammed his lips against hers, muffling her sudden screams. Ian pulled away and licked his lips as he smirked at her. Olivia tried to shrink back as far as she could, hoping to disappear into the wall. Without warning Ian grabbed her by the shoulders and brought his knee up as hard as he possibly could, landing it between her legs.

"Fuck!" Olivia screamed as she fell to the ground, the already excruciating pain from the rape now a hundred times worse. Tears rolled steadily down her face as he bent down low next to her.

"You should have just listened to me, Olivia. I assure you my threats aren't idle. See you soon."

Then, without a single look back, he left the building.

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	6. Chapter 6

I own no one but my own people

Olivia made her way slowly up the final flight of stairs, struggling to make it up every step while silent tears steadily streamed down her face.

She reached her door and collapsed against it, wincing at the pain that had seemed to intensify tenfold when McNulty had slammed his knee between her legs. After taking a few steady breaths and a disheartened attempt to wipe her tears away so David wouldn't know she had been crying, she opened the door.

Olivia was met by the usually mouth watering scents of chicken and broccoli from her absolute favorite Chinese place.

David was sitting on the couch and looked up at the detective when she walked in. "Hey, Liv," he said softly with an even softer smile to match as he stood up from the couch but made no move to come nearer her and picked up the tell tale white and red carton of food. "I got you some Chinese."

Olivia didn't even try to fake a smile at him. "Thanks, David, but I don't really feel up to eating. I just wanna go to bed."

David's smile faltered none and he instead nodded. "I'll put it in the fridge until dinner then."

"Thanks," she muttered as he put the container back on the coffee table.

The two stood in an awkward silence for a long time before Olivia cleared her throat and nodded towards the door, what little strength she had left dissaperating with every moment she stood. "I'll call you sometime this week."

David looked at her like she was mad. "Olivia, I told you. I'm not going anywhere."

Olivia rubbed her shoulder subconsciously and peered down at the ground. "I don't want to sleep with anybody. Not now. "

David tried to conceal the hurt that stabbed him in the chest at her admission. She didn't honestly think he wanted sex with her right now… right? She knew him well enough to know he wouldn't dare even think about hurting her like that.

"Olivia, listen to me," he pleaded. "I will stay on the couch for as long as you'll have me. I just wanna be here for you. If you want me to leave because you wanna be alone or don't wanna be around me I'll head out right now no furthor questions but if the reason why you want me to leave is because you think I wanna sleep with you then let me stay because nothing could be furthor from the truth right now."

Olivia rubbed her temple, not even bothering to hold back a sigh. She wanted to sleep for days on end and if she got into her bed quicker by not arguing with David then she'd do it. "Fine," muttered Olivia, "Stay on the couch if you want. I'm going to bed."

David nodded and walked over to her. He lifted his arms to wrap around her but thought better of it and instead just nodded again. "Okay. Do you wanna leave your cell phone with me so you don't get disturbed?"

Olivia narrowed her eyes as if he had just asked an asinine question. "What if work calls?"

"Then I'll tell them as of now you're on leave."

Olivia shook her head. "I can't do that. I'll take today but only because I'm dead on my feet and won't be of help to anyone but tomorrow I go back to work."

David looked over her face, trying to decide if she was serious or not. "Olivia, you were just attacked. You don't think you need a few days to heal?"

"David, I haven't taken a vacation in fourteen years. I take one now, they'll know something's up."

"So let them think Cragen gave you time off because of the award." David was struggling not to showcase his disbelief with her. She was seriously gonna take not even a whole day off after being brutally attacked?

"That won't work."

"Why not?"

Olivia glared at him but he stared defiantly back. Neither one was willing to back down from this. "Look what do you want me to say, David?"

"I don't want you to say anything, I just want you to have a few days to yourself," he explained gently. "You deserve them."

"Forgive me I didn't realize I got benefits from being attacked!" Olivia spat before she turned and stormed towards her bedroom.

"Liv, wait!" David called out to her as he tried to follow her.

"I want you to leave now," Olivia barked as she slammed the door shut behind her. "And this time it's because I don't wanna be around you!"

"Olivia!"

"Go!"

David stared at the doorway with a solemn frown on his face before he walked over to the door and rested his head against the wood.

"Liv," he began with a sigh. "I… I love you. Just please think about what I said."

Without a final word David grabbed his coat from one of the chairs in the kitchen and left the apartment, gently shutting the door behind him.

…

"So then Benson is literally begging me not to take her in."

McNulty and the rest of his group were gathering around their usual breakfast spot, both veterans and rookies, looking up at him with admiration and awe.

"So what'd you do?" one of the younger ones asked his eyes wide and his mouth agape.

McNulty shrugged as he took a long sip of beer. "I mean normally I'd bring her in. I mean she was tipsy but I've heard a few things about Benson and she's normally a good cop plus she was on her way to go help one of her victims."

"You didn't let her drive home did you?" an older cop asked, his brow raised with worry.

McNulty scoffed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling as if that was the most asinine thing he had ever heard. "Of course not! I mean there's letting someone step a toe over the blue line but not take leaps and bounds over it! I offered to give her a ride and she said sure. We got to talking, one thing led to another…"

"And you actually scored with Benson…" Damian Watson, a cop around McNulty's age clapped him on the back, a look of beaming admiration on his rat like face. "I knew you had skill but damn, McNulty… I always thought she was a bit of a prude. Guess not."

McNulty laughed as he took another sip of his beer. "Yeah but I feel a little bad. I mean the sex was AMAZING, don't get me wrong. Probably some of the best I've ever had but I'm not looking for anything solid right now. I told her that we could hang out, maybe be friends first and she kind of lost it. Started sobbing right there in the back of my squad car. I had no choice but to throw her out."

Watson shook his head, beaming at his best friend. "You'd think a member of the panty police would realize sex don't mean love. I mean you try telling my Ex wife that but does she listen?"

"Maybe if you didn't have sex with every hooker from here to Queens she would have been willing to give you a second shot," one of the cops laughed.

McNulty laughed along with the group but their joyful moment was cut short when the door to the bar was slammed open.

All the cops turned and saw Cragen standing in the entrance, murder in his eyes. Without a word of introduction Cragen stormed up to the group of cops. "McNulty McNulty?" barked Cragen looking over each of them trying to find which one met Olivia's description.

"That'd be me," McNulty said cautiously as he stood up. "What's going on?"

Cragen held up his cuffs. "You're under arrest for the rape of Olivia Benson."

McNulty's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. "What?" he cried as Cragen grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him away from his friends. "Olivia's seriously saying I raped her?"

Watson shot up from his spot as did the fellow cops at the table. "Just because the bitch can't handle rejection a good cop is getting charged?!" Watson shouted as Cragen cuffed him none too gently. "Benson is nothing but a rat whore who opened her legs to get what she wanted and now because McNulty doesn't wanna play House, she's crying rape!"

There was a large shout of agreement that Cragen, reluctantly, ignored, and continued to take a protesting McNulty to his car. "Wait, let me just speak to Liv!" McNulty cried as he welled tears to come in his eyes as he struggled to keep a smirk from appearing on his face. "This is all a big misunderstanding! Look I never raped her I swear to God!"

Little did Cragen know as he read McNulty his rights, this was just the beginning of a long, bloody, battle.

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	7. Chapter 7

I own no one but my own people

Olivia whimpered as she tossed and turned in her uneasy sleep. She dreamt of McNulty's hands grasping at her flesh, devouring it and setting it alit with flame wherever his hand trailed with David looking on in disgust.

She cried out for David to help her, barely seeing him through the darkened flames that McNulty left behind, but he only gazed on, disgusted over the fact that she was letting her body, David's play ground, be violated.

"What the hell would I want with a damaged pussy like that?" David spat before he turned and walked away, leaving the brunette at the cruel mercy of her attacker.

Olivia awoke with a start, roused by a gentle knocking at the front door, tears streaming down her face, her night clothes soaked through with sweat. A sob caught in her throat as the nightmare refused to fade away; still able to feel the heat on her skin she thought for sure had been real before.

There was another timid knock on the door and Olivia cleared her throat as she threw the covers off her, glancing at her clock radio and groaning gently when she saw it was almost noon. She had gotten only three hours of sleep that was ran rampant with nightmares that woke her up every half hour or so. Didn't people understand all she wanted was sleep?

"Coming," she called out to the knocker, cringing as her voice gave the person clear cut evidence she had been crying.

Olivia wiped her tears as she shuffled out to the living room. She glanced through the peep hole and was almost over come with another wave of tears as she saw the person on the other side of the door.

Trembling slightly, Olivia blinked away the newly formed tears and slowly opened the door, hoping to God this was just another nightmare.

"Can I help you, Lieutenant Tucker?" Olivia greeted, wincing once more as her voice betrayed her.

Tucker appeared far less smug and condescending than usual. One would almost say he held a look of pity. "I assume you know what this is about?"

A fresh batch of tears gathered in her eyes. "I have a fairly good idea."

Tucker nodded towards the inside of her apartment. "Do you mind if I come in?"

Olivia shook her head and moved out of the way, allowing the man who most of her squad decided had a personal vendetta against.

"What happened to you," Tucker began before Olivia even got the door all the way shut, "has put me in a very unique position, Detective Benson."

"You don't waste any time do you?" Olivia chided as she turned and sat on the couch, wincing from the pain the simple action brought her.

Tucker swallowed hard when he heard the almost silent exclamation of pain. "I received a call from the 6-66th this morning around nine AM where several officers from that precinct strongly believe you made a false rape report against one of their officers. An Officer Ian McNulty who claims he had sex with you in the back of his squad car and you turned into a blubbering emotional mess when he said he didn't want to continue your relationship past that of a one night stand."

"That bastard ra-!... Violated me!" Olivia choked out. "It wasn't consensual and it sure as hell wasn't a relationship!" she spit, the mere idea making her want to gag. "Tucker, you can't-!"

"Then," Tucker continued holding up a hand to silence her. "Not even twenty seconds after I hang up the phone I received a call from the 1-6th and Captain Cragen is telling me that Officer Ian McNulty was arrested for raping one of his detectives and that it was merely a courtesy call asking for anything IAB has on McNulty and that the 1-6 will, and I quote, 'handle this piece of worm shit'. While Cragen didn't name names, it wasn't that hard to figure out two and two."

Olivia swallowed hard as she looked up towards Tucker, his face emotionless and giving away nothing of what he thought.

"So which one do you believe?"

Tucker sighed as he went and sat on the arm chair next to the couch and glanced over at her. "I've been assigned SVU since I first transferred from Homicide to Internal Affairs. I know how serious you take the cases you deal with. I know that you wouldn't even say you were violated by a biker to save you a few years in prison or possibly stay out altogether.

I may not be a fan of yours and your squads methods for getting results, but I know you well enough to know you wouldn't destroy someone else's life or label him the worst possible thing living in your eyes just because he only wanted a quickie and not a marriage. But I still need statements of what happened from both of you. No matter who I believe," he added as he glanced over towards her.

"Okay," Olivia muttered, unsure of what else to say.

Tucker gave her a curt nod as he reached in his pocket and pulled out that all too familiar blue notebook he pulled out every time he talked to her. "I thought Cragen said he was handling it?" Olivia said as Tucker pulled a blue fountain pen from his inside left pocket.

"And you know all too well how many things go over both our heads. Plus I'm internal affairs. I'm supposed to be mutual and not take a side in this mess. I gotta investigate this like you're both in the wrong."

"I was attacked, Tucker," Olivia said none too gently. "I wasn't in ANY wrong…"

"I know that," Tucker assured her gently. "But this is a complicated case, Detective. You're both officers of the law. I need to work this like you're both guilty."

"I did nothing wrong," Olivia repeated a bit harsher then she had intended.

Tucker held up his hand to silence her. "Just… just start from the beginning."

Olivia nodded, although the looming thought of retelling her story over again almost sickened her to the point of disbelief.

"I got a call at around three thirty from one of my victims, Kristen Montague, saying her husband, a man who raped and beaten her previously, was in her home," Olivia began, leaving out the part that she had been in bed with her boyfriend who was exceptionally high in the New York City DA's office. She knew it'd come out sooner or later and that it would hit the fan at an exceptionally high rate of speed, but she wasn't ready to deal with that just now. "I told her I'd be right there and I put in the call to Cragen who put out the call to the patrol vehicles.

I took my own personal car knowing it'd waste more time if I drove to the precinct and grabbed my squad car even though my own car doesn't have lights or sirens."

Olivia waited while Tucker wrote down that part before he nodded at her to continue. Olivia started her tale up once more, answering the questions Tucker posed at her without hesitation or breaking away from his eyes. Up until Olivia told him about McNulty asking if she was drunk, Olivia hadn't hesitated a single moment in her answers or explanations on why she had done what she did. "Had you been drinking, Detective?" Tucker asked, eyeing her carefully.

Olivia took a deep breath and decided the truth, in this case, would be better told. "I was the guest of honor at the NYPD Detective of the Year Ceremony and I had a few glasses of wine but that was hours before the attack. I had a minor hangover when I was driving to her house but was in no way intoxicated enough that it impaired my driving or that he could small or notice."

Tucker simply nodded as he wrote down what she had told him, giving her no notice on if she believed her or not about the drinking. "Go on."

Once again Olivia retold her story and managed to get through it until the part where McNulty stopped in the ally way and climbed in the back seat with her.

"He… he said that… that I'm a cop so I... I already know he knows how to do this without leaving a mark," Olivia told the Lieutenant, her voice shaking. "He told me if I didn't let him…. I didn't let him 'fuck me'. He was gonna arrest me for DWI, assaulting a police officer, and resisting arrest. I… I asked him… I asked him please." Tears were now rolling down Olivia's face and her voice was nothing but a whisper. "But he didn't care. He… he ra- … he raped me."

"Detective, I know this is hard for you but I need the smaller details so I can question him about it. If I don't get them then it'll look like you made up the attack and I don't want you to be made out to be a liar," Tucker explained softly as if he hated asking her for more then what she had given him.

"I know," Olivia sniffed as she wiped some of her tears away. "I know, it's just… it's hard."

Olivia took another deep and after taking a few moments to collect herself, she began to tell him the more detailed story of what happened to her. Tucker asked nothing and stayed dead silent until Olivia paused, hesitant to admit that she had cried out to David to help her but she also knew it was in her official statement and if she omitted it from here, it'd look like she was lying. "While he was… in- inside me... I… I called out for… for my boyfriend."

Tucker's eyes widened at the new information, his hand ceasing to write this new information. "You have a boyfriend?"

Olivia nodded, already feeling the fear that David would be exposed at this. That he would get in trouble because of what had happened to her. "Yeah. We've been dating for six months. Nobody knows."

"Who is it?"

"No one important," Olivia lied. "And he's not involved so can we please move on?"

"If it's no one important then why the secrecy?"

"Because it's no one's business but my own," Olivia snapped.

That all too familiar 'are you really trying to lie to me?' face that usually was imprinted on Tuckers face returned with a vengeance.

He knew merely from the hesitation regarding even mentioning him that he was someone of importance and even if she was a victim, he still had a duty to uphold cops to the standard that came with their badge.

"You're lying to me. He's someone that you wouldn't want us or someone else finding out about. Who is he, Detective?"

Olivia threw a glare at him but he held his firm look as easily as it had come. "What's your boyfriend's name? Tell me now or else it'll come out in the investigation and it'll be very bad for you."

Olivia thought desperately of a reason as to why she was being hesitant other then the truth. "He's married," Olivia threw out finally. "That's why I don't want people knowing his name. It'll embarrass me and him and his family. Tucker, if you have any decency at all, you'll leave him and them out of this."

Tucker shook his head in disbelief. "You're willing to lie and make yourself look like a home wrecker; yes I know you're lying about him being married. The fact you thought I'd believe that is almost insulting. But never the less, if you're willing to make yourself look that horrible to me and to whomever reads my reports, and then I will, for now, let this slide. But rest assured after this investigation I will get to the bottom of it."

Olivia threw him a sharp glare as she was reminded the reason why she loathed this man.

Ticker folded his hands in front of him and gave her a curt nod. "Please continue."

Olivia did as she was told. Once again, Tucker gave her the courtesy of remaining quiet, not questioning her details of the actual rape until she got to what was the absolute worst part for her. "He threw me out of the car then threw my clothes, badge, and cuffs at me."

"What happened to your gun?"

Olivia's eyes filled with tears that she unsuccessfully tried blinking away. "He um… he took… he took my gun and he… he uh…" Olivia's voice caught in her throat and for nearly a minute she could only sit there, her mouth opening and closing while no words escaped her. Finally after a long bout of silence did she tell the one part of the tale she most despised. "He took my gun and… and he stuck it in- inside me."

Tucker's eyes widened and his jaw fell open. "He stuck your own service revolver… inside you?"

Olivia nodded, tears running down her face at the admission. She tried to wipe them away but for every one she cleared two more were there to take its place. "Christ almighty," Tucker breathed as he ran a hand over his face.

"He told me that was for the attitude," she muttered. "After that he finally left. I got dressed and then called my boyfriend. I told him where I was and to come get me."

"Did you tell him what happened?"

Olivia shook his head. "When he got there I told him I was in a carjacking and to take me to a hospital. When I got there I told the nurse I had a victim in the car who was too embarrassed to come in and asked for the morning after pill and the STD combo."

"Why didn't you want the exam right then?"

"I was embarrassed," Olivia admitted. "I didn't want the rest of my squad finding out but the nurse called Cragen who came to my apartment and convinced me to get the rape kit."

Tucker sighed as he finished up the last bit of information before he flipped his book shut. He ran a hand through his military style cut and placed the book back in his pocket. "I'm sorry this happened to you," he muttered gently. "I promise I'm gonna get to the bottom of this."

Olivia said nothing as Tucker stood up and offered her a curt nod. "I'll be in touch, Detective. Get some rest."

With that, Tucker turned and headed out, gently shutting the door behind him.

Olivia leaned her head back against the couch and felt a tear slip down her face. Now that Tucker knew the story that she had been violated would spread like absolute wild fire. People would know she wasn't strong enough to fend for herself.

Olivia wiped her face with the back of her sleeve and stood up, once again wincing at the pain as she made her way to her bed room.

Just as she was about to collapse on the bed, her cell rang, being met with a loud groan from its owner.

With a sigh Olivia picked up the phone. "Benson," she muttered into the phone, making it all too clear the caller was unwanted.

"You're gonna pay for lying, bitch!" the voice shouted at her.

Olivia stared at the phone in shock for a long moment before she put it back to her ear. "Who is this?" she barked. "How did you get this number?"

"Everyone knows you're nothing but a whore! Leave McNulty alone, you lying cunt!"

"Tell me your name now!"

But Olivia was met with nothing more than a beep signifying that the caller had hung up.

Olivia looked at the caller log on her phone, throwing it down on the bed when she saw it was an unknown number. Before she even put it to her ear, she could already hear another voice screaming foul names at her.

Olivia quickly hung up the phone but before she was able to put it on the stand, it rang again. "Leave me alone!" she screamed into the receiver, sobbing as she did so.

"Then you leave McNulty alone, you lying bitch!"

She hung up the phone again but this time she took the battery out completely, slamming the contents down on the stand.

Letting out a sob, Olivia collapsed on the bed, crying out for anybody to rid her of this living nightmare…

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	8. Chapter 8

I own no one but my own people

"Look, I'm telling you the truth, I didn't rape her! I wanna talk to her! Let me fucking talk to her!"

"Okay you do realize you have the right to shut your mouth right?" Cragen barked as he led McNulty through the crowded Precinct.

Amaro, who knew nothing about what had happened to his partner, heard the shouting and turned and saw Cragen, for the first time since he began working there, leading a suspect in cuffs towards the interrogation room, and he was a cop no less.

He got off in a flash and hurried over to the duo. "What's going on, Cap?" asked Amaro as he eyed McNulty carefully. "Everything alright?"

"Everything's fine, just put this piece of crap in an interview room and do NOT uncuff him!" Cragen ordered.

Even though the prisoner was a cop when Amaro heard the harsh tone he knew the thin blue line with this guy, whoever he was, was cracked. Amaro nodded and without another word took McNulty by the arm and began to lead him towards the interrogation rooms.

"I didn't do this, this is a mistake!" McNulty yelled louder then before, glancing around the precinct as if he didn't know she was at home worn out and in too much pain to come in. "Olivia! Olivia, you know this is a lie, I never raped you! This is bullshit and you know it! Call off your Captain and your friends and tell them the truth! I did not rape you!"

Amaro stopped dead in his tracks and twisted McNulty around, his hands beginning to shake. "Who are you talking about?" Amaro demanded.

"Don't say another word, McNulty!" Cragen yelled as he stormed over to the duo. "Not another fucking word!"

Hiding a smirk as best he could, McNulty ignored Cragen's orders. "Olivia Benson. She works here right? She's saying I raped her but she's lying!"

A collected gasp rose from the Cops and Detectives who had stopped to listen to the crazed man. Within seconds a loud sound like bees rose from people as they immediately began to gossip about what they had heard.

But a fire Amaro never knew existed came alive inside him and roared with such a curiosity, he was afraid he was actually going to kill someone out of pure rage. Cragen saw the flames dancing in Amaro's eyes and he ran up to his newest Detective. "Amaro, wait in my office," Cragen told him as he wedged himself in between Amaro and McNulty.

He ignored Cragen's orders and looked around him to McNulty who, as hard as he tried, couldn't help the look of glee that came from embarrassing her in front of her colleagues who had all stopped the moment they heard Olivia's name shouted from his lips.

"You son of a bitch!" Amaro roared as he tried to reach for the cuffed man who took several steps back. Cragen grabbed a hold of Amaro and pushed him back away from a terrified looking McNulty. "You raped her!"

"Get him in an interview room now!" Cragen yelled at anyone who would listen. Two cops sprinted over, grabbed McNulty by the arms and hurried him away from the scene. Al the while screaming that he never hurt Olivia.

"I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna fucking kill hm!" Amaro bellowed as he tried his damndest to get out Cragen's grasp.

"Calm down!" Cragen shouted, surprising himself as he effectively held Amaro back. "This isn't gonna help anything!"

"He raped her!"

"It's already a complicated case, you trying to fight him will just make it worse!"

"Worse?" cried Amaro as he jerked out of Cragen's grasp. "How can it be any worse? He! Raped! Her!" he repeated, slowly enunciating each word.

"And right now it is he said she said and he is a cop just like her!" Cragen barked at Amaro, fully aware the entire precinct had heard the argument that had just taken place. Amaro's chest heaved up and his hands clenched into to tight fists but his lips remained sealed.

Cragen took a deep breath as he clapped him on the shoulder. "Call Haden. Tell him to get down here and wait in my office. I'll tell you everything after the interrogation but for now go wait in my office."

"You both should go wait there," a very familiar voice rang out which made both Amaro and Cragen's temper flare to monumental heights.

"Tucker, I told you on the phone, you're not getting involved," Cragen told the IAB Agent as he strode up to the pair with two manilla folders in his hands, leaving no room for argument in his voice.

"First off your welcome," Tucker said dryly as he handed Cragen one of the manilla folders. Without a word of thanks Cragen snatched it from him and opened it, peering through the papers inside it. Tucker nodded towards the file, which turned out to be his jacket, in Cragen's hands. "The guy's a good cop."

"He's a rapist," Amaro spat in disgust.

"So was Sinatra but he's still the best singer to ever live."

Amaro narrowed his eyes but remained silent as they turned back towards the file in Cragen's hand. Cragen glanced over it quickly before he snapped it shut. "I don't give a shit how man arrests he got or how many medals he can pin on his chest. Twenty three years on the job and not a single damn complaint?"

Tucker shrugged. "Like I said, he's a good cop." He handed Cragen another, much thinner, folder. "This is everything we got on McNulty. No disciplinary's but he seems to get really touchy feely with the ladies but we couldn't prove it or they dropped the complaints." Tucker flipped several pages and pointed to one particular incident report. "There's one other rape complaint though five years ago. College Student said she was walking home with a nice buzz but said she wasn't drunk, she jay walks, stumbles, McNealy happens to see, she gets mouthy with him, tries to take a swing, he arrests her on the street. After that they drive to the precinct, she says he took her to the utility closet in the back of the precinct, locked the door, duct taped her mouth shut, then assaulted her. We questioned him, he and everyone he worked with told us there was no possible way he was a rapist."

"So what happened," Cragen demanded. "Why isn't he in jail or lose a badge?"

Tucker flipped another page in the documents. "She called about two weeks after she made the complaint and dropped it. No explanation, just said she was drunker then she led on, voluntary had sex with him and regretted it the next morning.

"Which you said was bullshit, right?" said Amaro.

Tucker shrugged. "Nothing we could do, she dropped the complaint, stormed out, we never heard from her again."

"And you didn't think it might be, I don't know, important that you arrest him?" Amaro snapped.

Tucker shook his head. "No evidence, no witnesses, no victim, no case. I wanted to arrest the bastard as much as anyone did but we didn't have anything on the prick."

Cragen sighed and rubbed his temple with two fingers. "Fine. Fine, we've dealt with the same thing here. But this complaint, even if it never went anywhere, its not perfect but similar enough. Is there anything else like this?"

"Just the one," Tucker told them as he took back the files from Cragen. "But the point is right now I need to talk to him."

"No, he's ours," Cragen told the IAB agent. "I told you when I called this was our affair, not yours."

"I gotta dot my I's and cross my T's. I'll talk to my Captain later on today and ask him to turn it over to your squad."

"No."

"Don, come on we both know it's useless fighting me." Tucker leaned in and lowered his hardened voice significantly. "I made up my mind who was guilty before I even talked to Detective Benson. You really think I'm gonna stonewall you on this?"

"Hang on," said Amaro as he got in front of Tucker and stood so close that had either moved half an inch closer they would have been touching. "You talked to her?"

"You need to back the hell off, Detective," Tucker told Amaro as he looked at him with equally intimidating eyes.

Amaro and Tucker stared one another down for what felt like a lifetime but in actuality was only several seconds before Amaro took a step back and turned towards Cragen. "I'll call Haden and be in your office."

With one last cross look, Amaro turned and stormed into Cragen's office. When they heard the glass door slam shut, Cragen and Tucker looked at one another. "Ten minutes then he's all yours. I promise."

When Cragen gave no answer, Tucker sighed and ran a hand through his brutally short cut. "I used to be a cop, Don or have you forgotten... Partner?"

"Yeah I remember And I remember you traded in your badge to become a paid rat," Cragen spat at him.

"Because I was, and still am, tired of people like McNulty disgracing the uniform I earned and you can't tell me you wouldn't be grinning if I dragged his sorry ass through the mud and back just to prove a point."

Tucker looked up at him. "You trusted me once to do the right thing. Trust me again and let the system help you this time."

The Captain and Lieutenant stared at one another for a moment before Cragen stepped to the side. "Anything he gives you I wanna know about."

Tucker narrowed his eyes in confusion. "You aren't gonna sit in?"

"I'm not allowed to listen in."

"I'm not allowed to offer the opportunity to so what the hells your point?"

For the first time today a small smile graced Cragen's lips. Tucker almost thought about returning the grin but though better of it and the two walked towards the interrogation room. Cragen, unbeknownst to McNulty who appeared to be sweating bullets, who was already inside the room and cuffed to the table.

Without another word Tucker walked in the small concrete room and shut the door behind him.

"Good afternoon, I'm Agent Tucker with Internal Affairs, Manhattan Division."

"I'm not pressing charges on either of them so just leave," McNulty snapped angrily.

Tucker narrowed his eyes in confusion as he sat down at the opposite side of the table. "Charges against who?"

"Olivia and her partner. I'm not breaking that blue line, not for something as stupid as a scorned lover."

Tucker nodded as he pulled out a tiny notebook and a pen. "So then I assume you know what this is about?"

"Yeah," McNulty scoffed. "Me being lied about by a woman who can't accept sex doesn't equal love. Okay, we had a one night stand, I thought she knew what it was, she thought it was more, I hurt her feeling,s she's calls rape because she's embarrassed."

"So that's your story?" Tucker challenged. "A decorated Veteran Detective who's worked SVU for fifteen years decides to make up a rape accusation because she wasn't sent chocolates the next morning?"

McNulty sighed and shook his head in disgust. "Why would you give me the benefit of the doubt, where's the awards for that?"

"I'm just trying to get the facts right," Tucker said with a shrug ass he flipped to his previous notes that dealt with Olivia. "Tell me what happened."

McNulty took a deep breath and wiped away a tear that didn't exist. "Fine. But like I said, I'm not pressing charges."

Tucker nodded and with another deep breath he began. "So I'm doing my parole on South 66th, when I see this car wavering back and fourth, stopping real suddenly, and had the usual characteristics of someone who had been drinking. I stopped the car, called it in, found out who it belonged to. I got out of the car, approached the driver, and it was Detective Benson.

She said she was heading towards an emergency situation and I should have heard it on my radio. She was lying because I never heard any radio call and I told her that and she reached into her bag for something. I ordered that she placed her hands on the steering wheel and when she refused I told her to get out of the car.

After that I smelled the alcohol and when I questioned her about it she started getting an attitude. She told me she was at some benefit for the state a few hours ago but there was way too strong of a alcohol smell and she got even more of an attitude so finally I said 'blue line be damned and I placed her under arrest."

"For what?"

"DWI, verbally harassing an officer and resisting arrest."

Tucker nodded as he wrote down the notes. So far everything seemed to be matching up perfectly. "Go on."

"She was mad for a few minutes but she cooled down pretty quickly when I told her that she could lose her badge over this and possibly go to jail. I mean I've heard of her, she's an amazing Detective, the banquet last night proved it. I didn't wanna see her get rear ended, ya know?"

Tucker nodded in agreement. "So what happened next."

"After she calmed down she told that she's been drinking a lot more thanks to the issues with her boyfriend and she started crying. We were only a few blocks away from the precinct and I didn't wanna take her in there crying so I pulled over and she told me she was dating this big hot shot lawyer and it could cause issues with her work."

Tucker looked up from his notes and narrowed his eyes at him. "Who's this lawyer?"

McNulty shrugged, struggling to hide the smirk on his face. "Some EADA for Manhattan, David Haden."

Tucker sat in stunned silence for a moment. He leaned back in his chair and flipped to a new page. "She say how long they been dating?"

"Four months. Apparently it's been issues with her not wanting anyone to know because he's a lawyer, she's a cop..."

"She say anything else about this guy?"

"She said they were serious but she was still having issues."

Tucker nodded as he wrote down the information. After that he took a breath and reminded himself this interrogation was about a rape, not her EADA boyfriend, although he would definitely be getting to the bottom of that. "So she's telling you about her boyfriend, then what?"

McNulty shrugged. "I started giving her advice and... I got in the back to comfort her and we were talking about her boyfriend issues and other stuff and... one thing led to another and we started kissing. It got a little heavier, she grabbed my hand, slipped it under her shirt and told me she wanted it rough. I asked her if she was sure and she said yes. She begged me to rip off her clothes and..." He chuckled softly, "this is actually a little embarrassing, she asked me to shove her gun inside her before I fucked her. She said that she liked that kind of thrill." He shrugged. "I thought it was kind of hot."

Tucker gripped his pen harder while he struggled to keep his anger under control. That had been the worst part of the story for her and the fact he was saying she had asked him for it? THAT pissed him off.

But instead Tucker nodded and continued to write down the statement. "After that?"

"After that she said she wanted it rough with the hand cuffs still on so we had rough sex with my cuffs on. After we were done we laid there for a little while and she asked if we could see each other again. I told her we should take it slow, ya know? Maybe just get to know each other first and be friends first. She flipped out, started sobbing, saying I was horrible and cruel and that she knew from the way I acted that it was true love and I would never be able to forget her. She was going insane, I had no choice but to throw her out of my squad car."

Tucker nodded as he finished the notes and flipped it shut. "I interviewed Detective Benson and she's saying everything you did to her wasn't consensual"

"Well she's lying," McNulty snapped. "I didn't do anything to her she didn't want! She never once said no!"

"I'm having a hard time believing that. You really expect me to believe Benson, who I know has a reputation of being a prude, of spreading her legs and going insane when you tell her you aren't in love?"

"Yes because that is what happened!" McNulty shook his head in disgust. "This is insane, I want a lawyer and I want one now!"

Tucker rolled his eyes as he stood up from the table and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

The moment the door was safely shut he turned towards Cragen who opened his mouth. Tucker held up a hand to silence him, "get Haden here and get him here NOW!"

"Tucker, you can't give her shit about this, not now!"

"You can't expect me to hear that one of your detectives is sleeping with an EADA and let it slip!"

"I do because right now she's dealing with being raped by a fellow cop!"

Tucker shook his head and stormed away. "Call him and call him now, Don."

"Tucker, stop!" But he was already gone.

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